Recently, I am feeling "Human Life" is meaningless--
Struggle to get up early for working, try hard to think what to cook after work, struggle to fall asleep after finishing all the washings, dreaming about works and books, and then waken up be the alarm for work.....full time working plus doing Nephrology Nursing Course by using my days off is very stressful. The course is interesting, which make my life occupied. Thinking of life behind the work and course make me really feel boring....
I am trying hard to do my course so that I can stay in this ares, hopefully get a better position. But, by that time, I will be 30 years old. Then, have a baby, bring up the baby.... by the time the baby become an adult, able to live by itself, I am close to 60, when people waiting to die or dying......
when I talk about this feeling with Matthew, he said to me, "My life is meaningful because of you!" How romantic words are they! But I didnt feel it, until I talk about this with my friend.
I think I was too tired to feel it, maybe also because Matthew always says this kind of words to me.... I have been totally soaked with his 24hrs love.
"You feel bored when your life a peaceful, and sometimes you wish something happens or changes (honestly, I dont think I want anything changes). But when your life is eventful and dramatic, you wish you can settle down somewhere nice and peaceful....", my friend says that.
I dont agree her idea of my current feeling now, because I am very happy about my current peaceful life with Matthew. I am just physically too tired, and thinking of Nature Human Life Circle. Why there is death and live.
2007-10-16
2007-09-28
Feeling LOST post-exam
26th September is the mid-semester examination day.
Spent 2 days to review and prepare this exam, I even forgot the mid-autumn festival and missed lots of photo calls on that day(25th September).
2hrs writing answer and thinking, I suddenly felt lost after I handed in my paper. I dont know what exactly I have lost. Just felt suddenly empty in body. I called my Matthew. He asked me how would he feel when he finished his PhD thesis. That is a very good answer.
Whatever the result is, I think, it is that I got to know and cleared lots of things in my brain is the most important, after all these days and tiredness.
I didnt feel excited until Matthew said to me "89% is High Distinction already". Because of being trained in Chinese culture, being best is such a nature expectation for me even I wasnt a good student.
Some people said to me "Dont push yourself too hard, you are working full time! And, whatever score you get, you just a nurse. Who cares!" Well, that is the truth. But I still believe, since I am doing it and I am enjoying it. Why not make everything as clear as possible, maybe as good as possible. If I dont try 100% hard, I wont get 80% good.
I should still hold on the passion of studying until I totally lose my ability to think. And, a nurse is a kind of professional, not a servant of some people. If we dont treat ourself as a professional, who will?!
Spent 2 days to review and prepare this exam, I even forgot the mid-autumn festival and missed lots of photo calls on that day(25th September).
2hrs writing answer and thinking, I suddenly felt lost after I handed in my paper. I dont know what exactly I have lost. Just felt suddenly empty in body. I called my Matthew. He asked me how would he feel when he finished his PhD thesis. That is a very good answer.
Whatever the result is, I think, it is that I got to know and cleared lots of things in my brain is the most important, after all these days and tiredness.
I didnt feel excited until Matthew said to me "89% is High Distinction already". Because of being trained in Chinese culture, being best is such a nature expectation for me even I wasnt a good student.
Some people said to me "Dont push yourself too hard, you are working full time! And, whatever score you get, you just a nurse. Who cares!" Well, that is the truth. But I still believe, since I am doing it and I am enjoying it. Why not make everything as clear as possible, maybe as good as possible. If I dont try 100% hard, I wont get 80% good.
I should still hold on the passion of studying until I totally lose my ability to think. And, a nurse is a kind of professional, not a servant of some people. If we dont treat ourself as a professional, who will?!
2007-09-24
Hypotension -- a Post-AVG-Revision (to be continued)
This lady has a Left Arm AVG.
22/09/2007:
AVG blocked on the normal haemodialysis day, came to ward through ED, had anti-hyperkalemia therapy(resonium 30g, IV 50% Dextrose 50mls and IV Actrapid insulin 10units) and fasted overnight.
23/09/2007:
AVG revision in the morning, finished at 12pm. Then, start to dialysis. in the end of the dialysis, graft started to bleed a huge amount, spent 30mins pressure, bleeding stopped, but AVG stopped working.
1730, pt went to OT for urgent AVG revision again.
1930, back from recovery, had N/S 600mls in recovery. AVG bruit but frank thrill. BP(110/50mmHg, pt asymptomatic) low range, pt's normal BP around 120~130/60~70mmHg, MO ordered to recheck in 1/2hr.
2000, BP still low (104/50mmHg). MO ordered Gelofusine 500mls over 2hrs.
2030, Recheck BP, still low, AVG bruit but still frank trilll. Increase rate to 500mls over 1 hrs as MO ordered.
2100, 300mls Jelofusion infused. BP even lower (90/40mmHg, still asymptomatic), AVG bruit but very frank thrill....MO, close monitor AVG and BP, review again when Jelofusion finishing. No bleeding since back from recovery.
?Problem: Vascular Colloid Pressure decreased due to blood loss from 2*OT and post dialysis even N/S 600mls. But why Gelofusine as a IV colloids didnt build up BP after infusion?
?Solution:
22/09/2007:
AVG blocked on the normal haemodialysis day, came to ward through ED, had anti-hyperkalemia therapy(resonium 30g, IV 50% Dextrose 50mls and IV Actrapid insulin 10units) and fasted overnight.
23/09/2007:
AVG revision in the morning, finished at 12pm. Then, start to dialysis. in the end of the dialysis, graft started to bleed a huge amount, spent 30mins pressure, bleeding stopped, but AVG stopped working.
1730, pt went to OT for urgent AVG revision again.
1930, back from recovery, had N/S 600mls in recovery. AVG bruit but frank thrill. BP(110/50mmHg, pt asymptomatic) low range, pt's normal BP around 120~130/60~70mmHg, MO ordered to recheck in 1/2hr.
2000, BP still low (104/50mmHg). MO ordered Gelofusine 500mls over 2hrs.
2030, Recheck BP, still low, AVG bruit but still frank trilll. Increase rate to 500mls over 1 hrs as MO ordered.
2100, 300mls Jelofusion infused. BP even lower (90/40mmHg, still asymptomatic), AVG bruit but very frank thrill....MO, close monitor AVG and BP, review again when Jelofusion finishing. No bleeding since back from recovery.
?Problem: Vascular Colloid Pressure decreased due to blood loss from 2*OT and post dialysis even N/S 600mls. But why Gelofusine as a IV colloids didnt build up BP after infusion?
?Solution:
BREAKOUT acted by National Treasure, taped by Human Beings
Real escaping from prison by our lovely national treasure--Panda
See more click this
I thought it is just an accident. But... after seeing few BREAKOUT by our panda in the zoo, I am wondering they are quite clever and they have been trying to go back to nature for a looooong time.
"Dont you people stop laughing at me? "
"But, my dear panda, you cant survive in current nature environment without the help of human, as your gene is not strong enough, according to the research by Professor Somebody."
"I dont care, I want to go back to the baboon forest--my hometown!"
See more click this
I thought it is just an accident. But... after seeing few BREAKOUT by our panda in the zoo, I am wondering they are quite clever and they have been trying to go back to nature for a looooong time.
"Dont you people stop laughing at me? "
"But, my dear panda, you cant survive in current nature environment without the help of human, as your gene is not strong enough, according to the research by Professor Somebody."
"I dont care, I want to go back to the baboon forest--my hometown!"
2007-09-19
Changing to a new start of blog
Some people like to write blog to themselves, but I dont....
When I was writing my thoughts in my chinese MSN space, I wish some one would read my blog and share feeling of my, and waiting for people's comment -- to talk to me the stuff that I write. Unfortunately, no one leave me a comment for a long time. One day, when I was chatting to my best friend in shanghai. I was brave enough to ask her whether she ever read my MSN space. She answered to me "No" without doubt. Honestly, I was upset. Which made me feel more lonely deep inside. Because I wrote in Chinese, hoping those chinese friends would read them and talk to me. Because my being oversea alone without any real friend that I can talk to, that was my last hope....
Well, that answer made me finial decide to create this blog to talk to myself and my beloved Australian future hubby -- Matthew.
p.s. attach something I wrote about the complex system conference in Gold Coast.
simple touch to the complex system conference... 5th July, 2007
When I was writing my thoughts in my chinese MSN space, I wish some one would read my blog and share feeling of my, and waiting for people's comment -- to talk to me the stuff that I write. Unfortunately, no one leave me a comment for a long time. One day, when I was chatting to my best friend in shanghai. I was brave enough to ask her whether she ever read my MSN space. She answered to me "No" without doubt. Honestly, I was upset. Which made me feel more lonely deep inside. Because I wrote in Chinese, hoping those chinese friends would read them and talk to me. Because my being oversea alone without any real friend that I can talk to, that was my last hope....
Well, that answer made me finial decide to create this blog to talk to myself and my beloved Australian future hubby -- Matthew.
p.s. attach something I wrote about the complex system conference in Gold Coast.
simple touch to the complex system conference... 5th July, 2007
I went to the conference of complex system in the Gold Coast as an "accompany person" :P.
Well, I just joined one of them about Complex system of health care system. Basically, it is of a general hospital.
It is a wonderful ideal of analyzing how the hospital runs on a macroscopic view.
I specially like the ideal of "lack teamwork kills patient", because the relationship between the doctors and the nurses in Australian is very poor. How come a good teamwork can be managed with current relationship between Drs & Ns. Well, I dont think the researchers realized this problem indeed, because they are Drs, they are up class people, while, other hospital stuff are not up....
And I like the mathematic way of explaining the issues, that is very cool-- I think that's why Matthew like maths so much. I like it too, but I can not be mathematician :P
At the conference dinner, which is my first time to dressed up very fancily for a dinner(well, this is not the important part), I saw the ordinary side of those top smart scientists in the world @_@, and even the crazy side. That was fun, although I didnt fully understand all of them. And, I feel so good, when the speaker mentioned about John Nash, a crazy mathematician.
2007-07-05
Simple Touch to the Complex System Conference...
5th July, 2007, I went to the conference of complex system in the Gold Coast as an "accompany person" :P.
Well, I just joined one of them about Complex system of health care system. Basically, it is of a general hospital.
It is a wonderful ideal of analyzing how the hospital runs on a macroscopic view.
I specially like the ideal of "lack teamwork kills patient", because the relationship between the doctors and the nurses in Australian is very poor. How come a good teamwork can be managed with current relationship between Drs & Ns. Well, I dont think the researchers realized this problem indeed, because they are Drs, they are up class people, while, other hospital stuff are not up....
And I like the mathematic way of explaining the issues, that is very cool-- I think that's why Matthew like maths so much. I like it too, but I can not be mathematician :P
At the conference dinner, which is my first time to dressed up very fancily for a dinner(well, this is not the important part), I saw the ordinary side of those top smart scientists in the world @_@, and even the crazy side. That was fun, although I didnt fully understand all of them. And, I feel so good, when the speaker mentioned about John Nash, a crazy mathematician.
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